Letting Go

Letting Go.

Those two words side by side conjure so much in me, especially when it comes to relationships.

Fear. What if I let them go and they never return?  What if they're not who I thought they were?
Failure: I couldn't make the relationship work.

Regret, Heartache, Sorrow, and Shame all words that try to tag along.

And yet, maybe the greater truth is hope; is new beginnings; is a chance to start over, to redefine what has been into what will be. A chance to learn from what was and celebrate the beauty of it, while letting go and pressing into what's next.

I loved my time in California, but had I not been willing to let go, I would not be in St Paul right now, living in a season of beauty, happiness, and joy. I love where I live, the friends I have here and relationships I am building here. I love my job. I love the dreams I am working towards and building. I love the liquor/bar collection we are building atop our fridge. I love our cute cozy little kitchen, and the smell of incense that fills the candlelit apartment. I love walking the streets with the freshly turning leaves displaying vibrant beauty. I love the tattooed beauties running down the streets, coming into my bar, serving me at other establishments, running next to me at the gym. I love the diversity that fills University Ave. I love the Cathedral. I love who I am in this place, and what this place is teaching me. I love what the community surrounding me brings out in me, and the joy and delight I have in being in relationship with them. I love that my basement is a famous bar/burger joint and bowling alley. I love the hipsters that litter my neighborhood, the co-ops, the breweries, the specialty shops. I love that my obscure dreams are starting to form.

It doesn't mean I love California any less. But I let go of what was; of what was not working, and pressed into an unknown that held what I wanted. I took a risk. I let go. And letting go allowed me to be open to this glorious place of life.

Here's to applying this wisdom to the areas in which it scares me most. It's time to let go.