Strings of Beauty in Being an Addict

I am an addict. For so long I hated that term, that reality. It's one of the reasons I have refused to go to AA. I hated the fact that every meeting started with "Hi, my name is Annie and I'm an alcoholic." I thought "that's not my identity. I am not an alcoholic. I am not an addict." But I am. And in my short six days of sobriety I have found such beauty in learning to understand what that means.

1. I have limits. 
2. I have flaws. 
3. I am not perfect and that is ok. 
4. I am beautiful in the midst of my flaws. 
5. Scars can be a beautiful and valuable reminders. 
6. I have something that keeps me constantly humble and aware of my brokenness.
7. I have the best, most forgiving, loving and supportive group of friends. Seriously. The best. 
8. I'm stronger than I think I am. 
9. I am braver than I know to be. 
10. While perplexing to my mind, the paradoxical state of our human nature being encountered by the unconditional, never failing/ending/ceasing love of God overwhelms my soul and brings me joy and peace and healing and comfort. 
11. When I give myself to something, I give all of me. 
12. I'm an all or nothing person. 
13. I like what I like when I like it, how I like it. 
14. I need to daily encounter the source of healing. 
15. I need healthy rhythms in my life. 
16. I need the love and support of my friends and family.
17. I am human; fully human. 

The list could go on, and one day probably will. The point is this: I am no longer afraid of the reality that I am an addict. In fact, I have embraced the beauty in it and find life in acknowledging the truth of my human state. It's amazing the life that comes when we stop denying and come out of hiding. It's amazing the strength that can be found in our weakness and embracing our weakness. The fragrance of God is so near as I type this today. 

Breath in deep friends. It smells so good. 

With love,

My name is Annie and I'm an alcoholic.